Remorse and Struggle

A part of ‘I’ desires, the other antagonizes..the self becomes so ambiguous. And I am struggling not only to find what the rest wants…but how to get what other split wants.

Is it some kind of fear which is stopping me or just unwillingness? If it is my indifferent attitude then I am stuck and can’t go anywhere. Whatever it may be..but I am blunted, rusted and is straddling.

Sometimes, I am so impetuous that I want to reach the stars and sometimes so inert that I can’t even see the path. I long to conquer the whole world but few thoughts snatches everything from me.

I know that a little push can be conducive to take me far. It can pacify the paradoxical state of my mind. But often, I am so egoistic that I won’t even listen to others.

Left alone, I forge for existence. I argue, I shout, I lie, I fake...do everything to prove that I am right. And one day when it surpasses all… conscience refills me with the desire to prove my substance. And I start the chase again.

Yes..I am struggling and this is a war with the self.